WARNING: This is an IBS-specific post, and may contain TMI - Too Much Information.
Is it possible that I have found a subject
perhaps even more taboo than the bowel movement? A friend of mind confirmed today that yes,
this is, in fact, the case. Passing
wind, tooting, farting, letting ‘er rip – all terms to refer to
flatulence. It is difficult to write a
blog about IBS without ever touching on this subject matter. So, I will be completely honest, on occasion,
I toot. I call it toot because it sounds
a little more sophisticated than some of the alternatives listed above. When you have IBS this can be one of the
biggest, and most embarrassing, challenges you face. We have all had that awkward situation where
you are doing everything in your power not to do so. You have also, no doubt, been in a situation
where, horror upon horrors, one has escaped.
Extreme and utter embarrassment.
For some of us with IBS you go through bouts where you are gassier than
others, for whatever reason – too much fibre, not enough fibre, not enough water,
something you ate, too much air intake, stress, backed-up etc. So, without further ado, I am going to tell
you about my last yoga class…
As with any physical activity, I plan my
meals ahead of time in order to facilitate full digestion. Last Thursday I did exactly that, I had a
7:30pm yoga class, I got home from work at 5pm – this gave me two and a half
hours to attain full digestion. One
would think this should be enough.
Please keep in mind, whenever I have a fitness activity I always eat
something with very little fibre and arguably nutrients, basically, I choose
straight white carbs because, for me, these are the most bowel friendly. With this in mind, I ate two pieces of white
toast with peanut butter. But then I did
something I should not have done. Peanut
Butter Captain Crunch – one of life’s greatest meals; I adore it so much that
my American mother-in-law mails it to me because you cannot buy it in
Canada. In my heart I knew this would be
a bad move, but there was exactly enough for one more bowl, I still had about
two hours to go, so I ate it. As I was
leaving for yoga I started to realize that I would not be able to digest this
meal, I tried several times to have poopy success, but, it was not to be. With a feeling of impending doom, I left for
yoga.
Has any yoga instructor ever mentioned to
you that certain poses help to facilitate digestion? This is completely and utterly true. It is also one of the last things you want to
hear as you butt-clench your way through a yoga class, trying not to rip ass in
the middle of all these zen-loving strangers. Bearing this in mind, I would like to say that
Yoga Thursday was one of the most uncomfortable experiences in recent
life. I felt ready to explode for the
entire duration of class. Gas can be
manageable if you are doing poses like warrior, however, very difficult to
ignore in child’s pose, or even worse, in downward dog. In down dog you are in the perfect position
to happily relax and let your body do exactly what you both want it to do – if
you are in the comfort of your own home.
I managed to fare all right up until the superman pose where you lie on
your stomach and float your legs/arms out behind you. Essentially, you are rocking on your stomach;
this is tantamount to becoming a human whoopi-cushion. As I lay there trying not to rock I looked at
the bum of the woman in front of me.
Unbeknownst to her, I was eyeing her rear end thinking, if I were to
projectile vomit right now, it would definitely land on that bum. Even worse would be projectile vomit coupled
with one rip-roaring fart. I obviously decided
to stop the pose and just lay there. Good life decision.
I did manage to get through the whole yoga
class without tooting, and I can honestly say that I have not done so in a class before. I can also
tell you that I wasted no time in getting myself to the safety zone outside my
car, where with a great sense of relief I finally ripped one good under the
cover of a darkened parking lot.
