Monday, 19 November 2012

Calling all multi-taskers ...

Let's talk about butts, specifically, let's talk about the ever-larger cushion attaching itself to my ass.  I am at a very precarious point here where my ass is so sore from being sat on, but I am oh-so exhausted from all that sitting, that all I really want to do is sit.  Feel me dawg?

I recently had the brilliant idea to go back to school, thinking I could coast through yet another class with targeted, yet minimal efforts.  The problem is, I actually care about what I am taking and I have officially enrolled in a distance PR program instead of the one-off business courses I was taking at the university (all very helpful, logical and above all boring).  The only drawback is that the class is very labour-intensive - thank goodness I only decided to take one course this semester! Someone hold me back if I ever suggest two again!

All of this would be fine if only I was not working full-time, if I had not decided to buy a house and have it renovated and if I did not do any volunteer work.

The result of the above is that I have been spending 16+ hours a day on my butt either doing my job, doing my homework, changing my address, booking contractors, participating in conference calls and frig, I forgot to pack!  I have also been eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly - and yes, I fully support the hydrogenated PB, none of that natural stuff for me!  (I have tried, I have failed). The Halloween candy at work is plaguing me and every day I bring my gym gear.  At the end of each work day I debate whether or not I should push through until the lights go out, or head to the gym and then go back to the office to continue working.  Well, everyone knows that if you leave, you definitely are not coming back, so I go with option A.  Which then leads me to doing quick cardio before I pick up my husband (average twice per week) or heading home to recover from the "exhaustion" of sitting.

Both the apartment and the house should now be listed as hazard zones, between the boxes, laundry and suitcases it is unsafe to be in either location.  I see sunlight on the drive to work, but otherwise, perhaps some vitamins are in order.  Occasionally when the mood takes me I do the token five or six flights of stairs so that I can say that I took a break and exercised!  Ha!  To top it all off, I have the lamest injury every - I injured my rib from too much sitting!  This is not even embellishment for comic effect. I injured my rib while sitting.  Specifically, my back has been going crazy (I have back issues and therefore have memorized my chiropractor and massage therapists' numbers), which put pressure somehow on my rib.  It no longer hurts to breathe and I no longer hyperventilate when lying on my stomach, but there is a definite dull ache that will not go away (likely because I am still literally sitting on my butt as I type this post).

So, my question to all of you multi-taskers (yes, all you mothers out there), how do you do it?  How do you fit in exercise when it seems impossible?  More importantly, where do you get the energy - without coffee (I am not a coffee drinker) and chocolate!  Au secours, I need help!

Friday, 9 November 2012

Close Calls

Not sure I should feel flattered, but it appears as though I am the unofficial office/friend guru relating to all things butt.  This was proven again last week when a friend shared this article (she thought of me immediately!) about the public washroom situation in Halifax. I felt the need to briefly comment on this article.  I agree with the statement that public washrooms are hard to come by in certain areas of the city and that in Point Pleasant Park the signage is lackluster.  Indeed, there is nothing worse than going for a run only to be overtaken by a sense of impending doom as you are trying to not-quite-walk and not-quite-run to the nearest washroom - and you have no idea where they are!  And when I say not-quite-walk and not-quite-run - I am referring to one of life's great dilemmas: is it better to run in the hopes of arriving faster - or will that only hasten the runs?  Or, do you walk to try to slow things down, but potentially not arrive fast enough?  I am stumped, someone please tell me the right answer!

For any of you with IBS, or perhaps even a bout of the flu, you can likely relate to that sinking feeling, knowing that the runs are on their way, whether you like it or not.  This often happens to me in transit (car, bus), at work, walking, running and travelling.  One of my closest calls ever was in the heat of summer, I went for a run, was feeling confident, so ran a little further, only to realize that I was in trouble.  I was near the junior high school where I grew up, so I turned in, dashing for the door, sweaty, crying and banging for someone to please open up.  Luckily, the janitor was there (which was a pure miracle considering it was summer), I yelled EMERGENCY and ran past him to the washroom.  He was kind enough to ensure he was not around when I finally surfaced.  Needless to say I walked the rest of the way home, but, ever since then, I always carry a cell phone when running, because you never know when the wave will hit you.  This may seem trivial, but, it was a traumatic event for me.  Let's be honest - no one really has a burning desire to crap their pants, let alone in public.  This is probably one of the worst things about having IBS, not knowing when it will hit and whether or not you will be prepared.  There is always the sense of dread that today will be "the day" that you do not make it.

Moments like these certainly make for funny stories after the fact ... "do you remember when I was late for our wedding?" "do you remember when you had to spend a half our in the stall with me holding up my wedding dress?" ..."remember that time on our honeymoon when..."... interesting how the big events in my life are all framed with toilet tales!  At the end of the day, all you can really do is laugh and hope that someone in urban planning has the foresight to strategically place washrooms and that Europe will someday embrace the idea of not having to pay for the toilet!