Thursday, 24 January 2013

Networking? Sorry, I Have to Cancel.

For the record - I am not a natural when it comes to networking.  In fact, I loathe it - it reminds me of a junior high dance when everyone has a partner but you.  What does one talk about?  Where do you put your hands?  How do you look like you are enjoying yourself when really you would prefer to be hit by a truck?

Now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about networking.  A few weeks ago I cancelled on a meeting because I was in bed, blown up like a balloon, unable to be in a social setting for fear of passing wind or crapping my pants - obviously I told them I had the flu.  Fast forward to this week, I have been a model student, eating almost my full servings of fruits and vegetables each day, avoiding white bread and getting my workouts in.  Things were going really well for approximately two days with this impressive regimen.  During spin class both Tuesday and today I had several key moments of panic that involved planning my escape through a mess of spin bikes and sweaty bodies and visions of how I would react to losing control of my bowels in this same environment.  I was overtaken by extreme cramps and cold chills as I spun right round, right round at my local gym.  Luckily I maintained enough control to be blissfully ignorant as to how that scenario would play out.

Tonight I had a dinner meeting scheduled with this same group (who flew in from France and are only here a few nights), I was on track to attend.  Work today was a little bit uncomfortable, JWow joked about how I had not left the washroom all day (not entirely true), but I pushed through it.  I stayed late at work so I would not have to go home in between and just as I was leaving I had to rush to make it to the washroom.  I still planned to attend, I walked to my car and before I could reach it that wave of panic overcame me and I ran to a public washroom.  Twice in twenty minutes. By the time I made my way out of the stall I was in the throes of despair - I had to cancel, there was no way I could ingest any food, my stomach was already rumbling, but how could I cancel for a second time?

This is the age old dilemma of those who have digestive issues.  Everyone thinks we have a knack for catching the flu.  What do you tell people?  Do they think you are making excuses?  How can one use the flu excuse for two separate meetings?  Well, it can be done, I have no idea what the other side thinks, but the alternative was sitting through a dinner without ordering anything, with several extended washroom visits.  So, I marched in there, was extremely distressed and talked about how this flu just keeps coming back again and again.  Then I ran to the car so I could get home as quickly as possible.  No swimming for me tonight, it is frowned upon to drop the browns off at the pool.  I speak from experience, I was a lifeguard back in the day.

I finally arrived home, was stripping down to my skivvies in order to get my jammies on, was running around looking for a glass to pop my Advil with and, of course, the doorbell rings.  I have no idea why I answered it - I am sorry Brock, but I have no desire to help any children tonight.  I need to powder my ass with corn starch, ensure there are two rolls of TP in the washroom, feast upon Gatorade and watch Damages.

In closing, I encourage you to check out the following video for the new campaign Escape the Stall from the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America, which was featured in the New York Times on January 7th.

1 comment:

  1. I hate making small talk. I feel like a dork. What's weird is I interview people for a living... ha ha